I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
