i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
