Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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