Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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