why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
