doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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