ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
