You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
worst night to have a conscience
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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