I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
