Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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