Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had to cum in my sink.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
