If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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