you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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