Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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