Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
