It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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