Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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