He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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