Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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