I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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