I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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