It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
