She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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