Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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