I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
