Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I AM VODKA MAN
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
