Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
