Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
