Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
