If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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