Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
