I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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