She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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