You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
