listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize