I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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