No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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