Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
