Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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