I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize