There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
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her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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