I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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