Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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