If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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