so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
