Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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