i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
