the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
