Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
