I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
