did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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