Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
