STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
