You just made me feel so damn special
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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