Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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