Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
