saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
