WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
