Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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