I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
